In 2017 Rabbi Jonathan Cahn predicted disaster following the blood moon. Nothing happened! It would seem that Rabbi Jonathan Cahn is a false prophet who has followed his own spirit and seen nothing. The rabbi did have one interesting thought though. I’ll let him tell you.
I did prophesy that I would get a sick stomach from eating Jim Bakker’s survival food and did that prophecy ever pan out. My tummy is on fire. And I wish Lori Bakker would stop muttering after every comment. She is driving me crazy.
I am interviewing David C Pack the self-appointed leader of the Restored Church of God. Thank you for having me here and my Ministry is based in Ohio. You might not know this but we are called the Buckeye state. Yes, I did know that. May I call you David? Heavens no, please call me by the title I was bestowed upon, that of apostle. May I ask who appointed you to that position? Why, myself of course. But apostle, wouldn’t that set a precedent for anyone to claim that they were an apostle or even prophet for that matter? For some I would say yes, but not for myself. According to the book of Acts an Apostle must have been present at the resurrection of Jesus Christ? Why does everyone have to quote the Bible? My congregation believes I am an apostle because I told them I was. In fact I am also Elijah the prophet. Apostle, this is starting to get a bit weird. Are you now declaring that you are the Prophet Elijah? Of course I am. Why does that surprise you? Well apostle, I am interviewing you in your multimillion-dollar estate which is not the brook Kidron? And I’m sure you’re not being fed by the Ravens? Again you’re relating to biblical information? Questions like that can confuse my congregation? If the Baltimore Ravens want to see me they most certainly can. Apostle, I was referring to the bird Raven not the Baltimore Ravens. Oh excuse me, Apostle’s at times make mistakes. In the Bible didn’t Jezebel once make herself into a prophetess? I must ask you sir do you have a fetish on the Bible for you’re always quoting it? You mean you don’t think an apostle should quote the Bible? I can answer that easily. Since I am a self-appointed apostle I can declare what I choose to declare because I’m Apostolic Authority. But apostle, you yourself gave you that Authority? How can we make sure that you are telling us the whole truth? Because I am an apostle and my authority must not be questioned in this church. All those that oppose me are asked to leave immediately. Apostle, you are sounding a little bit like Diotrphes who loved the preeminence. Those that disagreed with him he also kicked out of the church. Yes, I know what you mean and he is my idol of sorts. We are both Cut From the Same Cloth. Do you know what I think sir? I believe I asked you to call me apostle? I think I’d rather call you a heretic sir and I believe this interview is at an end. Only when I say it is over. Oh it’s over and I’m out of here so over and out you heretic. He will regret saying that to me as God will punish him severely. Imagine? Him challenging my authority as an apostle? What is the world coming to?
An astonishing and horrible thing has been committed in the land. The prophets prophesied falsely, the priests rule by their own power, and MY PEOPLE LOVE TO HAVE IT SO. But what will you do in the end? Jeremiah 5:30-31.
Tower to Learjet, Tower to Learjet, come in please. This is Kenneth Copeland of the plane truth. Are you with Herbert W Armstrong’s bunch? I believe he publishes the plain truth. He spelled his plane a little differently besides he’s deceased. Let the dead rest in peace please. Tower to Learjet, are you coming in for a landing? No I think I’ll fly around a lot longer today. After all the ministry’s paying for the gas. And ain’t that a gas! Tower to Learjet, how did you swing that deal? You gotta know when to fold and know when to play them. By the way you can call me Sky King because I rule the skies. If I feel lucky I may even drag Jesse Duplantis’ weird jet. Tower to Learjet, weird jet? Old Jesse purchased one of my old Lear Jets for a paltry 4 million. It slips in second. Tower to Learjet, did you say he bought your old rear? Not rear, LEAR! Get your ears cleaned out. How’d you like to hear my latest song? Tower to Learjet, we’re losing our signal, thank God.
You know, old Jessie might like my rear? He’s kind of funny that way.
This is Jim Bakker speaking to you from Morningside. Today I understand that Jesus Christ will be making one statement but first I would like to talk about my survival food that you will be needing in the dark times ahead. If I were you I would stock up with the seven year plan. Ben Franklin said that we should be prepared. Boy Scouts say that too and I should know because I was once a den mother. Be prepared for what’s coming. Now I know my food is overpriced and doesn’t have the best taste but it will sustain you through the Great Tribulation. Now I Think Jesus would like to say something.
Wow! That blows my whole gig! I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before? Just like in my first Advent I had never seen Matthew 6:24 before. I think Matthew was against me. Sufficient for the day is the troubles there in? Do not worry about tomorrow? Ben Franklin says we should plan ahead! What am I to do?
This is outrageous! How can I counter Jesus’ words? What about all those words I studied in prison? Could I be wrong and Jesus right?