Blood Moon Cahn

My name is Rabbi Jonathan Cahn and I am here today to discuss with you about blood moons. I predicted that last October 2017 something significant would happen during the blood moon. I appeared on several television programs with my predictions. I am ready to take questions on this subject. Yes, why did nothing spectacular happen? My initial prophecy took place on the Jim Bakker Show and I was so overwhelmed by his black bean burgers survival food that I couldn’t prophesy anything worth beans that day. To top it off, I had to listen to the incessant Lori Bakker saying, Uh Huh, for an entire one hour. My prophecy pooper was shot. Yes, what do I think of Jim Bakker? I think brother Jim should retire and stop selling his survival food which is loaded with salt. That would be my prediction for 2018 that Jim Bakker will retire with all the money he’s cheated people out of. I should have said that John Hagee also was preaching about the blood moon. He later recanted his prophecy saying that it was only a humorous speech. You know he always tries to up Jesse Duplantis one. I wrote the Harbinger as a fictional work but everyone took it seriously. What could I do but make some hay out of it? Yes, why am I wrong on my prophecy so often? Because God doesn’t back me up on what I say. He shows me no respect. Yes, am I a Messianic Jew? You know I always ask myself that question and I really don’t have a reason why? Yes, what do I think of John Hagee? John and I have discussed this issue at length and I believe he will soon be going to Jenny Craig to lose some weight. That is a prediction I stand on. Yes, why am I doing what I do? It beats working at my dad’s Delicatessen. If I worked there much longer I would look like John Hagee. One final question. Yes, how do I react when my prophecies don’t come true? That’s a very good question. I meditate in a yoga position asking God this question. Why is it me, why is it always me? Somebody up there hates me. Thank you for attending my news conference and before you leave please insert a $100 bill in the slot provided or the door will not open to let you out. Shalom!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.