Crislam is the New Trojan Horse


There mouth was smoother than butter but in their heart were drawn swords. Why doesn’t the United States see this? We have a new Trojan Horse in our country but it is the people that have frontlets over their eyes instead of the horses. Pope Francis is behind a union of Islam, Christianity and the Jewish faith. He would like them all to come under Rome eventually. This is a very evil pope.

HUMANITY: Good by nature. HUMANITY: Sinful by nature. JESUS: Merely a man, not God. JESUS: More than a man; He was also God. DEATH OF CHRIST: He didn’t die or rise again. DEATH OF CHRIST: He died and rose again in same body. BIBLE: Corrupted. BIBLE: Not corrupted. SALVATION: By faith plus works when good deeds outweigh bad ones. SALVATION: Not by works but is a free gift of God for all who believe.

What Accord has light with Darkness? Do not let this Trojan Horse take place in the United States of America.

Bible Fact: Plus Esther and Patience


The Bible Fact on Esther is that 2:12 is the longest verse in the Bible. And it deals with our topic patience. In the days of Esther before she could appear before the king she would need 6 months oil treatments along with cremes plus six additional months with perfumes. If you’re married you can never complain about how long it takes your wife or husband to get ready to go out with you. Just think about Esther. One whole year before she was presentable before the king. When he saw her she squirted out of his hands with all the oils and creams she had on her and he was overwhelmed by the aroma of all the perfume upon her. We must exercise patience with our considerable other if we love them.

Nehemiah and Worship


Worshipping God is the most important aspect of coming together to worship Him. In the Old Testament Nehemiah describes a type of worship that many of the Christian church today could not tolerate.

Did you catch it? Nehemiah read aloud from day break till noon. I hope he has some cough drops handy. And the people listenened attentively for that full-time. Could you listen attentively for 6 hours? That’s one fourth of the day. But that is not they did. For the longest time of the Roman Catholic Church the priest would speak their homilies in Latin. 1st Corinthians 14:11 would apply here. If I don’t know the meaning of the language spoken how am I edified? The priest would be a barbarian to me and I to the priest. What’s the purpose of speaking a message if no one understands it? That was not so in Nehemiah’s day.

Do you see the difference in worship here? Those of Nehemiah’s day understood what was being read as they gave the sense of the reading and helped them to understand it. The Roman Catholics are simply Lost in Space.

Presidential News Conference


Before I take questions I’d like to make a statement. I put Hillary Clinton up for nomination to be the US ambassador in outer Mongolia. Bill Clinton will be the ambassador to Paradise Island where, if my Wonder Woman comic books are correct, there are no men. Questions? No, I’m not at all concerned the cancellation of the North Korean conference. I did cancel it because it interfered with the golf tournament I’m sponsoring in Florida on my umpteenth working vacation. I did offer their leader an opportunity of a lifetime to be my personal Caddy in that tournament. Yes? Am I upset because Germany has the first Chrislam temple? What is Chrislam? Next question please? Who will my next State Dinner be with? That is a very good question. I think I’ll be roasting Una Merkel of Germany with the master of ceremonies being Don Rickles. Una deserves a good dressing down so get her a bib for her Thousand Island. Una? That sounds like a love greeting from Fred Flintstone to his wife Wilma. Next question? How do I stand on the new trade agreement with China? Why straight up of course because I hate someone who slouches. Next? Who would I like to run against in the next election? I mean does it really matter? Whoever I run against they’re bound to lose because I’m the greatest thing in Washington since the Senators left town. By the way is my hair looking good today? I have a meeting with my spiritual advisor Paula White after this news conference. She’s a knockout Beauty not that it matters to me of course. I’m the president and I will act presidential as normal. I plan to take her out to my favorite restaurant where we can discuss spiritual concerns of our country. Oh yes, tell Paula we’re going dutch as usual. How do you think I became a millionaire? What did I think of the royal wedding? I didn’t watch it as I was involved at a top-secret meeting at Camp David with a very important world leader. You know for the life of me I thought Mickey Mouse was a real Mouse. I must admit that I regretted meeting that rodent under top security measures. Where was my National Security advisor at this time? Oh, that explains it. I was just informed by vice president Pence that my National Security advisor was involved in a top-level meeting with Senator Warren. You know, Pocahontas. Yes next question?. Jeb Bush? No I don’t think Jed will run against me in the primary. He’s filming the next episode of The Beverly Hillbillies. What? Oh that’s Jed not Jeb. Well they both sound alike how was I to know the difference? One last question? What do I think about the active volcano in Hawaii? I’m glad you asked that question. Arkansas is thinking of moving Hot Springs there. Does that answer your question? Very well. Thank you for coming and God bless America as well as myself.

Blood Moon Cahn



My name is Rabbi Jonathan Cahn and I am here today to discuss with you about blood moons. I predicted that last October 2017 something significant would happen during the blood moon. I appeared on several television programs with my predictions. I am ready to take questions on this subject. Yes, why did nothing spectacular happen? My initial prophecy took place on the Jim Bakker Show and I was so overwhelmed by his black bean burgers survival food that I couldn’t prophesy anything worth beans that day. To top it off, I had to listen to the incessant Lori Bakker saying, Uh Huh, for an entire one hour. My prophecy pooper was shot. Yes, what do I think of Jim Bakker? I think brother Jim should retire and stop selling his survival food which is loaded with salt. That would be my prediction for 2018 that Jim Bakker will retire with all the money he’s cheated people out of. I should have said that John Hagee also was preaching about the blood moon. He later recanted his prophecy saying that it was only a humorous speech. You know he always tries to up Jesse Duplantis one. I wrote the Harbinger as a fictional work but everyone took it seriously. What could I do but make some hay out of it? Yes, why am I wrong on my prophecy so often? Because God doesn’t back me up on what I say. He shows me no respect. Yes, am I a Messianic Jew? You know I always ask myself that question and I really don’t have a reason why? Yes, what do I think of John Hagee? John and I have discussed this issue at length and I believe he will soon be going to Jenny Craig to lose some weight. That is a prediction I stand on. Yes, why am I doing what I do? It beats working at my dad’s Delicatessen. If I worked there much longer I would look like John Hagee. One final question. Yes, how do I react when my prophecies don’t come true? That’s a very good question. I meditate in a yoga position asking God this question. Why is it me, why is it always me? Somebody up there hates me. Thank you for attending my news conference and before you leave please insert a $100 bill in the slot provided or the door will not open to let you out. Shalom!